Angel Sewing

I used to be an extrovert.  Up until about five years ago I loved social gatherings of all sorts.  I loved parties and dinners and get togethers.  Somewhere in the last five or six years I have lost that.  I think it happened around the time we adopted Mariah and Evan.  The year after we adopted those two was crazy, even for me.  When I went to Africa I had four children: 12, 9, 3 and 14 months.  I came back with two children ages one month and almost 3.  To add to that we found out shortly after our return that we were pregnant.  Let me tell you, having four children under four AND being pregnant made it nearly impossible to leave the house.  When we had Tabitha we then had five children under five with one of them being medically fragile.  

I cocooned myself in my house with all of my little children and focused on them and on us.  There was not much that happened outside that circle of people that I participated in and at the time it was fine with me. I just figured there was a time and season for social and at the moment my focus was on all the sweet little people who needed their mama to be present for them.  Somewhere in all of that I swung from extrovert to introvert with a touch (or more) of social anxiety. 

My friend Jo, who has been a friend for nearly 15 years, invited me to join her at one of her favorite activities.  She joins with several other women to sew outfits that are donated for the use of babies who die during or shortly after birth.  The group was started by an angel mommy who lost a child to Potter's Syndrome several years ago.   Jo assured me it would be a safe place for me to feel what I'm feeling now, that there would be other angel mommies and  that I could come as I am, which is a little broken right now.  

It was hard for me to think about opening myself up, but I knew this, of all places, would be a soft place to land.  My sister, Megan, agreed to go with me and we were off.

What I found when I arrived at the door was a house full of women engaged in cutting, beading, sewing,  and threading.  I joined in and was quickly put at ease.  The more I talked, the more I realized that in this particular group, there were more mothers who had lost children than had not lost children.  Women spoke candidly about their beloved children's passing and the impact that had on their lives.  As we talked, we took part in the creating of the tiniest little baby outfits you've ever seen and every one of them was intended for a child who was not long for this Earth. 

I am very grateful that Jo pushed me into something that was uncomfortable, my discomfort quickly dissipated and was replaced by love and acceptance.